We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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