Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
