I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
