OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
send nudes
from the living room?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
