pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
