Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i need to put some appletini on your dick
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
