I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
