If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
