just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
