She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
