what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
