matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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