not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
