i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
