That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
