PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
