Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
