please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
