They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
