Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
