just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
