PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
