Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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