So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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