Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
