I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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