omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
