You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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