I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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