I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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