I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
