Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
