Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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