walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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