new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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