My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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