i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
