She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
my poor anus
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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