I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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