i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
