Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
