Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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