we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
