Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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