Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
