Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
