I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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