Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
