When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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