In the future we'll all be gay
I want to have your abortion
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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