Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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