my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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