my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think I am morally bankrupt
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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